When I was small everything else felt big. The grown-ups. The movies. The older kids I looked up to. The amount of time left in my life. I am not sure any of that was real.
I no longer feel small – but small is so many different things. I started writing about being a kid, but that wasn’t the last time I was small in this life. I was small up until recently. I chose to keep myself small in a multitude of ways for most of my life.
I felt like I needed to make my personality smaller. Too loud. Too opinionated. Too gay. Too much.
While simultaneously feeling like I wasn’t enough. Not smart enough. Not successful enough. Not fast enough. Not good enough.
How can I win when those are the only options? The choices are either too much or not enough? Never were they just right. Why did I never get to my Goldilocks moment? What was I afraid of? The success of feeling well adjusted in my body?
The discomfort of self-judgement became such a comfortable trap. A loving embrace from the devil I knew. And the funny thing was – if you asked me back then if I was happy, I would have been sure I was. It took losing the love of my life to realize how trapped I was in my limiting beliefs. I can now see what a toll feeling small took on my spirit.
"A loving embrace from the devil I knew." !!! Holy shite. The music of that line alone - the rhythm. I'm going to be bopping along to it all morning. And then there's the meaning of it on top of that. My goodness what a lyricist you are. And you totally ran with the multiple meanings of "small!" Cleverly done. Not everyone notices that. The prompt was purposely "small," not "little." Brilliantly perceived and carried forward into a new layer of liberation for yourself. Thank you so much for playing with these Scott.
Thank you for just giving this away to the universe! I am loving the weekly drops which provide an opportunity to connect deeper with myself and the world around me. I would have bought your book if I had found you before the cease and desist moment happened!!! Hahahahaha! I'll buy the next one for sure....just like I did with both of Hao's books yesterday.
When I was small everything else felt big. The grown-ups. The movies. The older kids I looked up to. The amount of time left in my life. I am not sure any of that was real.
I no longer feel small – but small is so many different things. I started writing about being a kid, but that wasn’t the last time I was small in this life. I was small up until recently. I chose to keep myself small in a multitude of ways for most of my life.
I felt like I needed to make my personality smaller. Too loud. Too opinionated. Too gay. Too much.
While simultaneously feeling like I wasn’t enough. Not smart enough. Not successful enough. Not fast enough. Not good enough.
How can I win when those are the only options? The choices are either too much or not enough? Never were they just right. Why did I never get to my Goldilocks moment? What was I afraid of? The success of feeling well adjusted in my body?
The discomfort of self-judgement became such a comfortable trap. A loving embrace from the devil I knew. And the funny thing was – if you asked me back then if I was happy, I would have been sure I was. It took losing the love of my life to realize how trapped I was in my limiting beliefs. I can now see what a toll feeling small took on my spirit.
I choose to be big now.
"A loving embrace from the devil I knew." !!! Holy shite. The music of that line alone - the rhythm. I'm going to be bopping along to it all morning. And then there's the meaning of it on top of that. My goodness what a lyricist you are. And you totally ran with the multiple meanings of "small!" Cleverly done. Not everyone notices that. The prompt was purposely "small," not "little." Brilliantly perceived and carried forward into a new layer of liberation for yourself. Thank you so much for playing with these Scott.
Thank you for just giving this away to the universe! I am loving the weekly drops which provide an opportunity to connect deeper with myself and the world around me. I would have bought your book if I had found you before the cease and desist moment happened!!! Hahahahaha! I'll buy the next one for sure....just like I did with both of Hao's books yesterday.